There are many myths that people seem to believe are the root for domestic violence. It is important to understand that they are simply not true. Here is a list of some common myths:
He’s Out of Control
Well it may seem that way, but doesn’t he control himself with everyone else. He doesn’t seem to go out of control at work or in public places. If he lost control at work and beat up his boss it wouldn’t be okay; and he for sure wouldn’t be able to use the excuse that “he was out of control.” So, why should he be able to use that excuse with his partner? Also, notice he rarely will destroy his own property when he is so-called “out of control.”
Anger Management Problems
He manages his anger just fine in other situations of his life. If he had an anger management problem, then wouldn’t it be a problem in other areas of his life too?
Learned Behavior From His Parents
Witnessing domestic violence as a child can increase the risk of becoming an Abuser. However, the majority of children who grow up with abuse DO NOT become abusers
Alcohol & Drug Problems
Those who abuse alcohol or drugs may become more violent. However, people do not do things when they are under the influence that they would not do when sober.
Mental illnesses do not cause someone to be an abuser. In fact most abusers are not mentally ill at all and will test normal.
He Just Takes His Problems Out on Her
True! However, his problems are no different than the problems of people who are not abusive. It is his abusive thinking that makes him feel entitled to take out his problems on her. An abuser has entitlement issues, and he will create problems. Usually, she (spouse/girlfriend, etc) works very hard to respond to his problems, but it is never enough for him.
We all have stress, some more than others. However, the issue is how you respond to the stress. An abuser chooses to respond abusively, the stress doesn’t make him!
He Has Problems with Self-esteem
This is completely a myth. It is an excuse that is used to manipulate their partners. They say this because it gives them an excuse for their bad behavior. In general, abusers have excessive self-esteem (a.k.a. “ENTITLEMENT”).